


Release

by veyl



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Healthy Relationships, Implied Anxiety, Love Confessions, M/M, bad habits, grounding exercise, reaching out/asking for help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 08:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13899762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veyl/pseuds/veyl
Summary: In the here and now it is just past five in the afternoon, and the smoke is not enough.





	Release

Hanzo doesn’t indulge, not usually. He smokes, sometimes, if he feels like it; he’s gotten into the habit to wake his aching heart. He steals a cigarillo or two, lights them up during long stretches of silence. The taste of smoke on his lips is a reminder that prickles his skin; he tries to keep it alive with every breath, keeps the smoke inside until it drowns him, until it drowns all of him. The wind picks up, wrapped in its embrace the sour smell of trash that had been left outside in the sun for too long. Then it stops and once again the air stands still. He can almost imagine Jesse next to him.

“Suppose I know a thing or two ‘bout that,” he’d say, breathing in smoke like Hanzo is now. “Don’t get no rest when the demons come out to play.” He’d lift his eyes from a faraway ghost to Hanzo and smile that secret smile that Hanzo feels might be just for him. “At the very least I reckon when there’s someone else who understands how they work, you don’t gotta keep worrying about leaving the light on.” And Hanzo would say, yes, I suppose so.  

In the here and now it is just past five in the afternoon, and the smoke is not enough.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket, scrolls through contacts and lets his thumb hover over Jesse’s name – he wants to call but he shouldn’t, Jesse might just be in the middle of something – he stares at the name until his vision starts to blur and he has to shake himself, decides a message at least should be fine.

_Are you busy?_

Jesse’s response is an almost immediate relief: _naw things are pretty slow here. whats up_

_May I call you?_

His phone rings.

“Hey darlin’, is everything alright?” Jesse’s voice fills up the space in his head, louder than silence, louder than thought. Hanzo breathes out, settles back against the rock. “Yes. No. I just wanted to hear you.”

He can hear Jesse get up, say something to someone on the other side. There’s the sounds of his footsteps, heavy with the jingle of spurs, and what might be a door opening and closing. Jesse says, “I’m here, sweetheart. What’s wrong?”

Hanzo scratches at his neck, looks around like he might find words floating within reach. He makes a helpless little noise to the phone and to Jesse: he doesn’t know where to start. “I’m stuck,” he says, the uncomfortable feeling of being stuck in his own head almost overwhelming. “I’m stuck!” For the past fifteen or so hours, still in bed for about just as long, unable to break himself out of the loop. Now that the words are out he can feel himself starting to shake and the urge to just hang up instead of bothering Jesse with this. But Jesse knows him well, doesn’t have to be a genius to figure out the problem.

“Did you sleep?” he asks first.

“I slept too long,” Hanzo tells him, makes a face though Jesse can’t see it, thinks on the hours he spent uselessly stuck in bed with no desire or will to get up.

“That’s alright,” Jesse is quick to reassure him. “Then did you eat?”

“Not yet.”

“Where are you now?”

“Outside. The weather is nice.”

“Tell me about the weather, honey.”

“It is... sunny. Warm, but not heavy. There is wind coming from the sea.”

“Sounds awful nice. It’s raining here again, has been raining for days. Makes recon mighty uncomfortable when we can’t do it from indoors. Lena likes it though, says it reminds her of home.”

Hanzo hums in thought, falls silent for a moment. Then, “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, darlin’. Shouldn’t be long now, we just gotta wait a lil longer before we can wrap things up on this side.” He talks and Hanzo lets him, listens to Jesse go on about the hostel they’ve set up in, the general look of the town and its residents, lets this information push out the unwanted thoughts that had been stuck on repeat, like a broken record inside his skull. He breathes gently while focusing on Jesse’s unbroken drawl and the sense of calm he brings with it.

“-and a nice view that I think you’d enjoy. I took some pictures that are not great, but might be we get ‘round these parts again and we could go together then.”

“Jesse,” Hanzo says, a little smile in his voice.

“Yes?”

_“Thank you.”_

“Well of course, sugar, I’m glad you called.”

“You called before I could,” Hanzo says, laughing a little to himself. He sobers up and says, “I worried-”

“I know you did, and you still reached out first. I’m proud of you, love.”

Hanzo freezes; that was a new one. He draws in a breaths, asks haltingly, “Do you mean that?”

“I’m always proud of you,” Jesse says.

“No, I mean,” Hanzo starts, holds a hand over his mouth for a moment. “What you called me, just now.”

“Oh,” Jesse says, then falls silent, seemingly with realization. “I, um. Was that-”

“I did not mind it,” Hanzo says quickly. “That is, I do not... I think of you the same.”

“Well shucks,” Jesse says and Hanzo can almost hear his grin through the phone. “I wanted to say it all proper when I saw you again.”

“Say it anyway.”

“I love you.” Jesse breathes out, a little shudder in his voice that Hanzo feels go through him along with the words. “For a long time now.” His lips stretch into a smile that makes it hard to talk; he pinches his thigh as his heart does a giddy flip inside his chest.

“I love you too,” he manages, then covers his face with his free hand. “I should let you go back to work.”

“Feeling better?”

“Much,” Hanzo tells him.

“Alright then. Don’t forget to eat. And call me again if you need to.”

“I will. Come back to me safe, Jesse.”

“I’ll do my best! See you soon.”

Hanzo doesn’t indulge, not usually. He smokes, sometimes, if he feels like it; he’s gotten into the habit to calm his racing heart. He lights up a stolen cigarillo, at peace, now, with the silence. The taste of smoke on his lips is an echo of the words that warm his skin; he keeps them alive with every breath, lets the smoke curl inside his lungs and push him up to the surface. The wind picks up, wrapped in its embrace the sweet sea breeze and the salty air. Then it stops and once again the air stands still. It is not long now until Jesse is next to him.

The lights are on, keeping the demons at bay. In the here and now it is just past six in the afternoon.

And Hanzo is at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> written for a short sentence prompt "i’m stuck, i’m stuck"!
> 
> visit me on tumblr! http://keepmeaftermidnight.tumblr.com/


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